Heart & Soul
by GypsyJane
Summary: Danny has a secret! When he is forced to share it he looks to his family for love and support. But the journey ahead of them is long, painful and turbulent. Will the fight for Danny's life be successful and will the family still be together at the end of it?
1. Chapter 1 - Head In The Sand

Heart & Soul

Hi, First of all this is my first Wild At Heart story so thank you for reading and I hope you enjoy it! Secondly I don't have a beta reader so I hope you can forgive any errors you may find. Thirdly I don't work in the medical field in any way, so whilst I have tried to do some research I apologise for any anomalies that may exist and lastly as much as I enjoy watching it I do not own Wild At Heart or anything to do with it. I have merely borrowed the Trevanion family for a while. In my mind I pictured this story being set just before the start of Series 6, a kind of alternative to Danny's father coming into the programme. Ok so I'll stop waffling now and on with the show… ;)

Chapter 1- Head in the Sand

It had lasted for just a second; over so quickly he could almost pretend it had never happened at all. But deep down he knew; deep down Danny Trevanion knew he had felt a tremor run through his hand. He'd felt it travel from the tips of his fingers down, almost made him drop the syringe he'd been carrying. Desperately he'd managed to cling on to it, the sigh of relief that escaped him audible only to himself. Of course he knew the danger had the syringe emptied its contents into his own body. But that wasn't his only or even at that moment his primary concern. His desperation to catch the syringe didn't stem from self-preservation but the overriding need to prevent Alice from suspecting anything was wrong; because he knew something was wrong and it scared him.

The tremors had started a week or so ago. He didn't know when they would hit and when they did lasted for just a moment. He hadn't experienced any pain but they often made him drop anything he carried at the time. So far he had been lucky and he knew it. His clumsiness had only been noticed a couple of times and he laughed both off as best he could. But that wouldn't last forever; there were too many people around him for it not to be seen. Not least the woman that stood now not a few feet away from him, the woman that had turned his life around…Alice, the woman who just a few short weeks ago had agreed to be his wife. A surreptitious sideways glance told him that Alice's attention was still on the lioness she was examining and he had gotten away with it yet again. But this time he had come too close. He took his head from the sand he had buried it in days ago and finally acknowledged to himself the need to see a doctor. Still shaken from the near miss and knowing he had to do this now before this new found bravado deserted him he made an excuse about needing something from the house and left Alice alone with her lioness.

The short walk from the vet surgery to the house normally took just a few short minutes. But now it had never seemed so long. Taking in the scene that surrounded him he realised with a gratitude he couldn't put into words the gifts that had been bestowed upon him. Dup, leaving on a game drive with a new group of guests, Olivia on the veranda with Charlotte helping her with homework, Caroline helping Nonsa set the table for the family meal later in the afternoon, the myriad of animals he had helped to bring back to Leopard's Den after years of obscurity. Thoughts of Sarah, Evan, Rosie and Charlotte came to mind and of course Alice, his future bride. Yes, he was a lucky man and he owed it to his family and to Leopard's Den to find out exactly what was wrong with him.

Creeping into the study unseen and locking the door behind him he finally made the appointment he had been putting off for far too long. Sitting back in the large leather chair he allowed himself to make the most of these few moments of solitude to try and put his racing thoughts into some sort of order. But found it nearly impossible to find clarity in such an uncertain situation. He knew if he was as ill as he suspected he might be difficult decisions would have to be made but he put that to the back of his mind at least until he knew for sure exactly what was happening to him. The only thing he did know with absolute confidence and lucidity was that he fully intended to go through this alone. He couldn't bear the thought of putting the family he loved so much through the pain and fear he felt. When a diagnosis was finally found he knew the likelihood was that that would probably have to change. But until then this burden was his alone to carry. Knowing he would be missed if he hid away any longer he left the peace and sanctuary of the empty study and picking up the containers he had told Alice he had come to the house to collect, he went back to work.


	2. Chapter 2 - Biopsy and Baseball Caps

Chapter 2 – Biopsy and Baseball Caps

For as long as they had been privileged to live at Leopards Den a family meal in the evening had become tradition for the Trevanion family, the chatter, enthusiasm and laughter a tonic for even the most trying of days. Danny had found that incessant small talk about nothing in particular strangely comforting last night and had embraced it whole heartedly. As a consequence despite everything he had enjoyed it more than he had in a long time and he tried to cling to that feeling now as he sat alone and desolate in the empty waiting room of the local hospital. Eventually he was awakened from his reverie by a nurse softly calling his name.

Taking a deep breath he stood and followed the nurse through to one of the treatment rooms. The Surgeon he had spoken to the last time he was here was already waiting for him and Danny found the confidence and presence of the man reassured him a little. The surgeon tried to offer a few words of comfort as the Anaesthetist injected the drugs that would put the frightened vet to sleep. He felt himself drifting far away and found himself back in the study at Leopard's Den vividly recalling the phone call from the Doctor's informing him of the results of the tests that had been done; remembered every painful detail of the conservation; the exact second he had been told he had a mass on the Brain and would be required to undergo a Brain Biopsy to find out the specific nature of it and therefore what further treatment would be offered to him; thought back to the Barber's chair and watching his hair fall to the ground in preparation for the Biopsy. He had never been particularly vain about his appearance; as a vet he couldn't really afford to be. But knowing the reason for his radical new shaven appearance and sudden fondness for baseball caps it upset him all the same. He'd given some excuse about wanting a change to Alice and the others and taken all the resulting banter and jibes on the chin. But those moments late at night, sat on the veranda steps, alone but for the single malt that kept him company, he had let the pain inside consume him and the tears had fallen.

Coming round after the procedure had finished Danny still felt a little groggy, tried to take in the Surgeon's words about sending off the section he had removed and getting the results as soon as possible but found it difficult to concentrate. So he lay back and let oblivion claim him, waking hours later, his head much clearer and his body refreshed from the enforced sleep it had been denied these last weeks by worry and fear. He found himself discharged shortly after and on his way home. Driving past the Leopards Den sign he plastered on the false smile perfected these last few days, pulled on the hat bought to cover the dressings and wound he now sported and prepared to deliver the excuse he had decided upon for his absence the last few hours.

Pulling up outside the house Alice came running out with her vet's bag in one hand and a radio in the other. "Danny, where have you been? I've been trying you on the radio for the last 20 minutes. There's an Ellie at Mara that needs looking at. I told Vanessa we'd do the honours. " Barely stopping for breath as she threw her bag in the back and jumped into the passenger side of the jeep Alice suddenly registered Danny's silence. "Danny...Danny are you listening to me? We need to go to Mara…now. "He blinked a couple of times and turned to her with a look of sheer bewilderment on his face. "Alice?" Something about him wasn't right. He genuinely didn't seem to know where he was or what was happening. But it passed within seconds. The next thing she knew her man was back. The authoritative, caring Danny she knew and loved. Together they set off for the sick elephant at Mara. The spark of worry that had embedded itself in her faded, whatever happened back there he was alright now and more importantly there was a sick animal that urgently needed their help. Right now that was her priority.

God that had scared him! He knew he had blacked out, knew it hadn't been for long. But he had been behind the wheel when it had happened. His lucky streak of late had continued and the jeep had been stationary. But a feeling of nausea settled in the pit of his stomach when he thought about what could have happened, what would have happened if the vehicle had been in full flight. What if Alice or one of the others had been with him? What if he had hit an innocent animal or person? Responsibility for someone getting hurt or god forbid worse, especially someone he loved wasn't something conscious or compassion would allow him to live with. Even the mere idea was unthinkable. The only answer that presented itself to him was to stop driving at least for now. But he didn't know how to without having to explain why and he wasn't ready for that yet…not yet.

After treating Mara's elephant Danny persuaded Alice to drive back to Leopard's Den with a plausible excuse about wanting to keep an eye on the leopard they had in the back. Vanessa had made the most of having two experienced and outstanding vets on site and asked them to look at one of her other animals, Danny and Alice eventually making the decision that the leopard would be best served being treated at their own facilities. But he was aware that this was just the start. How the hell was he going to be able to keep away from driving without telling everyone the reason why…the real reason why? That night even the family meal failed to lift his spirits but there was no alternative but to paste on the smile anyway and play the role he had become accustomed to. Falling into bed that night his mind swimming with a million thoughts sleep, as it had many other nights of late, evaded him and the solace so valiantly fought for once again failed to materialise.


	3. Chapter 3 - Lonely Kinda Crazy

Chapter 3 – Lonely Kinda Crazy

The following few days Mara's Leopard and the upkeep of the animals that lived at Leopard's Den kept Danny busy enough that his inability to drive didn't rear its head. It was three days after the hospital tests that the call came. The receptionist at the other end cool and calm as she relayed the message that the doctor would like to see him that afternoon at 1:30. His legs nearly buckled under him and his mouth went dry. He managed to stammer out a few words to confirm his attendance and replaced the receiver. This was it. If he was ill, if it was bad he would know in just a few short hours. "Danny, are you ok?" Olivia walking past the open study door had noticed his pale face and panicked expression and concerned had stopped to check on him. "I'm fine. I'm fine. Just making enquires about some Wildebeest Dup heard mentioned at Max's last night." Olivia was unconvinced. "Are you sure? You look really pale. I'll go and get Alice." That was the last thing he wanted. "Liv, I'm fine really. You know what they say only mad dogs and Englishmen….. Well I've been out in the sun all morning and I think I'm paying the price for it now. Five minutes in the shade and a glass of water and I'll be back out there. Go on now before Caroline comes looking for you." Her fears allayed by his explanation and the colour returning to his face she decided to drop the subject. "Okay if you're sure." Relieved Danny smiled for the first time "I am." Touched by her concern he wanted to say more, but knowing suspicion of his sudden sentimentality would be aroused, with a father's eyes he watched her walk away, sadness enveloping him with every step…. "I'm fine" the words just a whisper, dying away long before they reached the retreating teenager, providing no comfort to either.

Fear had become a constant companion of late; most of the time it plateaued at a tolerable level, spiking every now and then when another blow was dealt. But this was different. This was a depth and intensity unparalleled by anything Danny could ever remember experiencing before and it sent the universe crazy. Moisture hung heavy on his forehead, single drops beaded down the entire length of his face whilst at the same time his mouth and throat so dry they cried out for just the smallest hint of water. His hands, his livelihood, normally rock steady today shook uncontrollably. His mind on any other day focussed and determined today floundered, the ability to concentrate on anything having deserted him the moment he arrived at the hospital. The wait for the test results was fast becoming intolerable.

It took him back to the days following Sarah's death, the gut-wrenching dread of trying to face the future without her. Then the future he had seen for himself was black and bleak and lonely, but there nevertheless. Now there was a wooden box and a hole in the ground and then nothing at all. Though he had to admit this disturbed him in-keeping with the selfless, compassionate man everyone knew and loved his prime concern was not for himself, but for those and all he loved. What would become of his family, his amazing, dysfunctional family? What would become of Leopard's Den? Without warning the voice of a no-nonsense Afrikaner invaded his thoughts 'Get a grip Trevanion.' At the same time as the nurse called his name.

"Mr Trevanion, please take a seat." The doctor indicated the vacant seat in front of his desk. "I have asked you in to see me to discuss the results of the Biopsy we took. Before I continue may I ask is there anyone here with you today?"

"No. I couldn't face telling anyone…. didn't know what to say. I need to know what it is…what's wrong with me… before I say anything. Please just tell me, what did you find?"

"As you wish; our tests have shown a grade 3 tumour located in the Temporal lobe area of the Brain. The tremors you experienced in your hands and arms were small seizures and the blackouts were bouts of memory loss." Danny sat in stunned silence. He had known it probably wasn't going to be good news. But there was a part of him that hoped never the less that it would be something and nothing. Now to hear his worst fears confirmed was devastating. He knew he should be asking questions but couldn't really think of anything to say. Suddenly a thought popped into his head, a crushing thought he couldn't ignore.

"Is it Cancer? Do…Do I have C…Cancer?" He knew the answer when he noticed the pause. Everything had been delivered professionally and confidently until now. All of a sudden there was hesitancy and when the despondent vet heard him let out a slow, breath he knew the physician's conviction was escaping with it. As softly as he could, almost in a whisper, the beleaguered medic answered his patient's question "Yes Mr Trevanion. I'm afraid you do. But we can treat it. There are things we can do."

His head swam, the walls closed in, his breathing came in shorter, shallower bursts. His body began to scream for the Oxygen his lungs could no longer provide. Then he felt a hand on his shoulder. Soft, gentle words began to seep into his consciousness. The feeling of drowning on dry land was replaced by a rush of air as if coming to the surface after being under water. Danny slowly came back to reality. His mind now flooded with a million questions he fought hard to isolate just one. He asked the only one he physically had the strength to say "What happens now?"

"We need to operate Mr Trevanion. We need to remove as much as we possibly can and we need to do it soon. But I have to tell you there are risks. Operating on the Brain is delicate and intricate and as such always carries with it certain gambles. "

"What gambles?"

"The Brain controls all of the human body's movements, functions and feelings. I have to make you aware of the possibility that should something go wrong you may not come out of the operation the same person you went in. You must also know that anaesthetic carries its own risks and in rare cases they can be fatal." Danny turned to face the doctor fear in his eyes

"How Soon?"

"I'd like to admit you now with a view to operating tomorrow." It had never occurred to Danny he wouldn't be going home after this appointment. He hadn't made any arrangements, brought any clothes. Briefly he considered agreeing, just disappearing from Leopard's Den without trace. The people he loved would never have to know; never have to go through this nightmare. But no he couldn't do that. They wouldn't be going through his nightmare but another one of his making. Not knowing where he was or how he was or why he left. No, they deserved better than that and he owed them more than that. He realised that this decision wasn't really that hard to make at all. "I have to go home. My family, my wife doesn't know about any of this and I have to tell them. We have to do this together, as a family. I can't make any decisions without speaking to them first. It just wouldn't be right. I have to go home, I'm Sorry!"

"I see. Well I cannot force you to agree to the surgery. Ultimately the decision must be yours. So if and when you choose to return we will go ahead. In the meantime I wish you luck ." "Thank You" The soft whisper all the younger man could manage as his fragile emotions threatened to get the better of him. With that Danny got up and left his only thought how he was going to break this to everyone back home.


	4. Chapter 4 - Confessions

Hi, Just two short notes. Firstly I just wanted to make anyone reading this aware there is a little swearing in this chapter. But I promise it is mild and I think inkeeping with the character. Finally please forgive me for this chapter. I am pretty rubbish at conversations. But once everyone knows I can get back to the story properly. So for those of you still reading and reviewing thank you very much! Enjoy :)

Chapter 4 - Confessions

_His mind spun out of control. He imagined the conversation; every word, every nuance. Had played it over so many times he almost believed it was real…almost believed. But it was nothing more than a condemned man's fantasy and he knew it. _

Common sense and reason had all but deserted him as he left the confines of the city hospital. His mind unable to give him the direction he so desperately needed. Almost of its own volition his body seemed to take over, somehow finding a way to flag down a passing cab. The once vibrant vet sat on the back seat stagnant and silent. His eyes stared straight ahead cold and unseeing. But beneath the vacant exterior a raging torrent of emotion flowed through him. Battling the deluge that threatened to overwhelm him Danny tried desperately to concentrate on the task at hand. Knowing that he could no longer continue to carry his secret alone he had to find a way of telling Dup, telling Alice, telling everyone…

Maybe calling a family meeting was the way to go. Get everyone together, tell everyone together. Short, sharp and painless…like ripping a plaster off. But emotionally fragile the mere thought of the mass of pitying looks, countless 'I'm so sorry Danny's' and numerous uncomfortable silences was more than he could bear. So he formulated a plan, decided to pick them off one at a time. He knew the first should be Alice, knew he had to tell her everything, it was only fair, but couldn't even begin to find the words. So he settled on telling Dup to start with. It was still going to be one of the most difficult things he could ever imagine doing; only one thing made it bearable…..he wasn't Alice.

His mind spun out of control. He imagined the conversation; every word, every nuance. Had played it over so many times he almost believed it was real…almost believed. But it was nothing more than a condemned man's fantasy and he knew it. He tried to take comfort in the awesome scenery that passed him by, the beautiful lush greenery of Mara in the distance intermingled with the unique charm of the dusty amber bush and the strangely enchanting rock formations. Seeing just the tip of Leopard's Den on the horizon he asked the Taxi Driver to let him out. He needed air, needed time and space to think. Slowly he started the long walk home, a deep breath filling his lungs.

From his very first moments here he had sensed a special something about the place. It had grown more intense every day since, but even now after all this time he couldn't put it into words. It was a spark, a kind of electricity that had the power to excite, soothe, comfort, captivate and devastate almost at the same time. Now as he prepared to fight for his life he tried to take as much solace from this magnificent country as he could, because before the day was out he knew he'd need every last bit.

He walked round the house and the grounds on which it stood in a kind of daze until he eventually found Duplessis working on the generator round the back. As he inched closer the conversation that until now had been on constant replay deserted him, the ability to form words suddenly and inexplicably lost the younger man could do more than watch the veteran bushman at work and silently panic. It felt like he'd been stood there hours but logic told him it couldn't have been more than a few seconds. He was part way through berating himself in a bid to motivate his mouth to speak when Dup took the decision out of his hands. "Trevanion, don't just stand there like a spare part. Grab that Monkey Wrench." Picking up the requested tool, cautiously Danny began the diatribe he had rehearsed so diligently. "Dup, we need to talk."

Anders Duplessis was a stereotypical man's man, dirty vest, unkempt hair, beer permanently in hand and an outspoken Afrikaner to boot. But this particular man had an extraordinary gift, an innate and inexplicable understanding of the African bush. Nothing on four legs or two could outwit his superior skills, tracking his quarry with pinpoint accuracy. But reading people, understanding feelings and emotions, he had yet to master. So it was no surprise that at first Danny's urgency and pain had passed him by. "Can't it wait? I'm a bit busy here. Someone has to fix this heap of junk."

So Danny tried again. "No it can't. Dup, we need to talk. It's important."

Starting to get a little impatient with Danny's persistence Dup attempted once again to make his point. "So is this bloody generator. Without it we're royally screwed. No heating, no hot water, no electricity, warm bloody beers…."

"Dup…." This time Danny's raised voice and sharp tone caught his attention.

Now it was firmly on his radar and there was no question that if Danny needed him, anything and everything else could wait. "What is it?"

Bracing himself for his business partner's reaction he gathered every bit of strength he had and began to talk. "I didn't go to the suppliers this morning, I went to the doctors… had some tests a few days ago …"Danny's courage deserted him and the words dried up. "and?" The older man softly prompted. He'd never seen Trevanion like this, nervous, frightened, almost childlike. He'd never known him to find it so hard to look him the eye. Jesus he was scaring him now. Sorrow and hurt almost radiated off him. A block of ice, cold dread settled in the pit of the bushman's stomach. He felt himself torn in two. Wanted to know, had to know the truth; yet a part of him wanted to cover his ears up and pretend it wasn't happening. In no more than a whisper, he encouraged the younger man again "Tell me Trevanion."

Danny continued "I've got a Brain tumour. They want to operate… soon. But it's dangerous and…and…"

"You might not make it"

"No"

The elder Afrikaner was devastated. He cared for this man like a son and would gladly have given his life for Danny's. He'd had a good run, been privileged to meet some good people, had seen and experienced more than most in a lifetime and knew without any shred of doubt that he would be proud to leave Leopard's Den to the young vet. So why was this not happening to him? The young man beside him was one of the kindest, bravest most compassionate people he had ever met; he lived for his family and they needed him; So much for him to live for. He couldn't help but flick his eyes skywards and silently ask the one question that haunted him, why Trevanion? Finally he spoke "I'm sorry Danny, really bloody sorry. But I want you to know I'm with you every step of the way…whatever happens." Searching for something to say Dup fell back, as he often did, on his family history "You're gonna be fine right. My uncle Francis had something wrong with his head once. He lived until he was 99 and died with a beautiful woman…"

"It's Cancer Dup."

Danny's revelation stopped the stunned bushman in his tracks. "It can't be….But you're Danny….No I don't believe it. Doctors make mistakes…go back...go back and give them a mouthful….No I'll give them a mouthful….they must be wrong…"

But the words died on his lips as he felt Danny's hands clasp his shoulders and turn him so the two best friends were face to face, eye to eye. "It's Cancer Dup." Those few words so soft, like a whisper on the breeze, yet the bushman had never felt a blade cut as deeply. The older man felt his world crumbling around him. Danny Trevanion was the heart of Leopard's Den. He'd taken that mantle the day he'd arrived with Sarah and the kids and kept it ever since. He was the safe port in a storm, the calm head in a crisis, the rock everything and everyone looked to when the chips were down. Only now it was the rock that needed help and support. The outspoken Afrikaner wasn't a natural carer; he wasn't into the medical side of things that was Danny's domain. So nursing him wasn't really an option. But determined to stand by him he made a promise to himself there and then to help him in any way he could. Doing his best to pull himself together he tried to think about practicalities "You said you needed surgery?"

"They need to remove as much of the tumour as possible as soon as possible. They wanted to take me in today. But I needed to come back here and talk to everyone…"

As he tried to take in everything he was being told his mind ticked over the last few weeks. The clumsiness, baseball caps, haircuts, reluctance to drive. It all began to fall into place. Without warning a blind rage he couldn't control took over him and the words just spilled out. "You knew didn't you? You knew you were ill and you didn't tell anyone. Why Danny? Why couldn't you talk to us? To me? You didn't trust me did you? Old Dup's just a drunken fool; can't handle the big stuff, the important stuff…"

The beleaguered vet couldn't believe the change in Dup's demeanour, the switch from pity to anger had been rapid and Danny knew he had to stop it before it got out of hand. "Trust had nothing to do with it Dup, nothing! Yes I knew something wasn't right and I knew it could be serious. I have spent the last few weeks praying every night for good news, but every time I spoke to the doctor it just got worse and worse." In trying to calm Dup down the younger man had broken down the barriers of his own emotions and once he'd started he found he couldn't stop. His voice rose in volume and depth mirroring the strength of feeling that came pouring out. . "I'm scared Dup, more scared than I ever thought it was possible to be. I didn't want to burden all of you with that, at least until I knew properly what I was dealing with. How could I? How could I tell Alice the man she agreed to marry could be dying?" Bitterness crept into Danny's voice and what he came out with next shocked the older man "Croaking before the wedding day wasn't part of the deal. Still what can you expect getting engaged to a sugar daddy?" A part of him realised how unfair he was being. But he still couldn't bring himself to stop. "And Olivia, I'm not her real father. Who am I to expect her to stick around? She's done nothing but fight with Alice since she got here and I just don't have the energy to referee anymore. Maybe she should go back to England." The younger man suddenly slumped forward, his shoulders hunched, the fight he had so far displayed leaving him as quickly as it had flared and his next words were soft and heartfelt. "She's sixteen Dup, sixteen. Too young for something like this. I love her and I just couldn't do it to her. And you, You're my business partner and my friend, my best friend. But when you offered me the chance to stay here I don't think either of us ever envisaged this. I'm not your responsibility Dup. I understand if you want to rip up the contract. Get someone else in…."

Dup's anger had faded as quickly as it had blown up. But realising that the younger man needed this release, needed someone to listen, needed to finally rid himself of everything he had kept bottled up for so long, the grizzled bushman had quiet kept and taken everything his friend had thrown at him. But when he started to talk about ripping contracts up he could stay silent no longer. "Danny….Danny look at me, if you decide to go back to England for medical care I'll understand. I'll miss you like hell but I'll understand. If you decide that you want to stay here for treatment then I will be with you every step of the way, come what may. This is your home Trevanion and don't you forget it! Understand?" The younger man just nodded. "Good. As for Alice, Olivia and Caroline let them decide what they're gonna do. You might just be surprised." Danny surprised Dup by asking one last favour. "Dup I need to ask you something. Will you speak to Olivia and Caroline for me; tell them what's going on. I want them both to have the chance to decide what they want to do without me hanging around.

"Oh and what will you be doing while I'm doing your dirty work?"

"Talking to Alice."

"Yeah I'll tell them. But you owe me Trevanion, you owe me big. I'm thinking it'll involve whisky..several bottles…."

"Thanks, Dup."


	5. Chapter 5 - Celtic Tears

Chapter 5 – Celtic Tears

Both men left striding with purpose, deciding in their own way how to go about telling their respective partner news neither thought they would ever have to deal with. Danny found Alice alone in their bedroom, a piece of luck he couldn't help but be grateful for. Gently he sat her down on the bed and holding both of her hands in his told her everything. Countless tears were shed on both sides as well as a temporary foray into physical violence when Alice's anger at Danny's dishonesty and the very fact he had to go through this insidious illness at all boiled over. She had for the first time in her life lashed out. But understanding her need to relieve the emotions that threatened to overwhelm her he just stood and took it until the anger dissipated and all that was left was sorrow. Then putting his strong arms around her, he pulled her into a loving embrace and together they wept.

When the tears had finally dried and reality had once again come crashing back Danny found the strength to say to Alice what had really been on his mind. "I understand if you want to leave." Not being there for him hadn't even crossed her mind once. So strong was her resolve that when the option of leaving was mooted she didn't at first recognise the way out that was being offered to her. "Leave what?" But the older vet was just as single-minded and again made the offer. "Leave me."

"Leave you? Danny, why would I want to do that?"

"When I asked you to marry me this…cancer… wasn't in the contract. You didn't sign up to be my nurse maid. If you want to go I won't stop you."

"No I didn't. I signed up to be your wife and that means the whole nine yards, for better for worse, in sickness and in health. I love you Danny Trevanion and I'm not going anywhere. You and I are going to beat this…together." Looking into the eyes of the gorgeous Celtic firebrand he had fallen in love with he saw the determination flowing through her entire body and felt himself fall deeper in love with her than he had ever known.

"I think we need to find the others and talk about this as a family, look at where we go from here."

"I'll follow you through in a few minutes, something I have to do first." Alice's questioning look prompted further explanation. "I need to talk to Rosie, I'd rather she hear about it from me. She's due to ring tomorrow and I'd hate for one of the others to say something without thinking."

"Of course; I'll tell Charlotte and gather everyone together. Come through when you're ready."

"Thanks." With one last lingering kiss both left the room feeling, despite all the trepidation and fear, they were a stronger partnership than ever before.


	6. Chapter 6 - The Ties that Bind

Chapter 6 – The Ties that Bind

Everyone was sat around the sturdy wooden table in the kitchen when Danny eventually joined them. The conversation slowly ebbed away and the atmosphere felt a thousand times heavier as he took his place at the head of his family. His attempts to pull himself together after speaking to Rosie had largely been ineffectual and his tear-stained face was plain for all to see. Both Alice and Dup were shocked at the change in him. His pallor was considerably paler than it had been just hours earlier and even with his 6ft plus frame neither had ever seen him look so frail. The events of the day were clearly taking their toll on him physically and emotionally and both silently vowed to make this family meeting as quick and painless as possible.

That Danny should undergo the surgery was the opinion voiced by virtually everyone. One by one those he loved the most told him why they believed the benefits of the surgery outweighed the risks; told him that they loved him every bit as much as he loved them and would do whatever it took to help him beat the adversary he now faced . Deeply touched he had fought and failed to hold back the tears. Even Charlotte, despite her tender years, had grasped the importance of the situation and realising just how important this man was to her, had pledged her support in whatever small way she could provide it. The only person who hadn't spoken was Olivia, ever since Dup had broken the news her mind had been in turmoil. She had only been back at Leopard's Den a matter of weeks. Only just felt strong enough to face the demons that this place held for her; to try and put to rest the conflict that had raged within her between the home she had loved since that first day and the hell that had so cruelly and unexpectedly taken the most important person in her young life….her mum. Just as she felt the war within her begin to calm and the walls she had built between herself and Alice start to crumble her life was once again turned upside down. She didn't know if she was strong enough to go through such grief again.

Danny had been as much of a father to her as her real one back in England; had welcomed her back with open arms when she had felt a strong need to return to Africa; had made Leopard's Den the place where she felt, had always felt deep down, she belonged. The thought of watching such a kind, thoughtful bear of a man slowly deteriorate was more than she could handle and before she could stop herself the words had left her mouth "I can't do it!" Seven pairs of eyes (including Momsa and Thabo) turned to look at her and she was compelled to continue. "I'm sorry Danny. I want to go back to England, back to Dad. I can't watch you go through something like this. I just can't. I want to go home…" Not knowing what else to say and feeling awful she jumped from her chair and ran out into the night closely followed by Thabo. The disappointment in Danny's face was as easy to see as his tears had been earlier but he knew it was her choice and he had to learn to accept it. Besides which there were plans to be made. The family spent a little time making decisions about who would take over which of Danny's daily jobs whilst he was unable to contribute as extensively. Alice then offered to ring his consultant at first light tomorrow to make arrangements for his surgery, an offer which he gratefully accepted. Feeling at this point that all relevant tasks had been reassigned and so tired he wasn't sure how much longer he could keep his eyes open he made his excuses and retired to bed; his shoulders a little lighter now his burden had been shared.


	7. Chapter 7 - Best Laid Plans

Chapter 7 – Best Laid Plans…

The day after the bombshell proved to be a productive one. Alice's organisational skills came to the fore and Danny's surgery was arranged for three day's time. But it turned out that that was just the tip of the Iceberg. By lunch time she had the Vet's surgery schedule worked out for the next fortnight and had also managed to put some semblance of order to Dup's days by blending the tasks the family relied on him to accomplish with a mixture of whiskey and food breaks. The former included solely to pacify the Afrikaner when Alice's initial attempts at a schedule met with resistance. Whilst everyone appreciated that things were likely to crop up that couldn't be planned for, a proper schedule for the more mundane tasks made them a little more bearable all round.

Unusually for Leopard's Den everything was running like clockwork and Danny couldn't help but admire a woman's capacity for organisation. As well as Alice's successes on the Veterinary/animal side of things, Caroline and Nomsa had the guest/tourist side of things running like a well-oiled machine. This left Danny a few moments of alone time to climb up to the rocky outcrop Dup called his 'thinking place'. From the first time he had been privileged to go Danny had understood exactly why Dup loved it so much. It afforded those brave enough to reach it a view of Leopard's Den capable of taking even the most ardent cynic's breath away. Now sitting admiring the beauty before him Danny tried his hardest to remember every detail, if this was to be his last opportunity to see it first-hand he wanted to be able to recall it in all its splendour every time he closed his eyes. Lying back he allowed the healing properties he had always believed this great continent possessed to restore his ailing body.

A quick glance at his watch when awareness finally returned told him he must have fallen asleep. A couple of hours had slipped by and the midday sun was already sitting majestically over African skies. Knowing that if Alice and the others weren't already worrying, they soon would be he took one last long look at the stunning vista and started the journey home. Fatigue was creeping up on him. The last time he had ventured up to this part of Leopard's Den, some years ago now, had been full of exhilaration and excitement. The difference this time was marked, his health was failing and he realised for the first time just how quickly his condition was deteriorating.

The afternoon was spent packing a few belongings for the hospital trip into a small, black backpack; a few bits of clothing to begin with alongside some essential toiletries and one or two personal knick knacks of sentimental value. The final thing and perhaps the most important was his favourite photograph of the family, stood all together arms round each other, real smiles that reach the eyes. Taken at dusk as the sun dropped below the horizon it created a special atmosphere to the picture and it was one that Danny had always loved. Often when at his lowest that image had lifted him and he hoped that when he opened his eyes after the operation it worked its magic once again.

Olivia hadn't run far after leaving the dinner table the previous night and Thabo had found her pretty easily. The young man had consoled the teenager into the small hours, and utilising all his powers of persuasion had tried and failed to convince her to stay or at the very least speak to Danny one last time. But young both in years and in experience she just couldn't bring herself to do it. So it was no surprise when no-one saw her again. Now however though the confused vet had been putting off speaking with her all day, knowing it would haunt him for the rest of his life if he didn't he went in search of her. Finding her sat on the Veranda with Jana and Charlotte he watched in awe as the 10 year old seemingly knowing intuitively that the impending conversation was private made her excuses and walked back into the house. "It amazes me sometimes just how wise that girl can be…"

"Unlike me you mean?"

"I didn't mean... "Dejectedly the elder man tried again. "I was just trying to break the ice…"

"Oh right, because I'm so horrible to talk to you have to find a way in first, can't just get on with it and say what you have to say…"

"Well maybe I would if you dropped the stroppy teenager act and actually listened for 5 minutes." Frustration fuelled by hurt got the better of him and the rebuke came sharp and harsher than intended. Remorse flooded through him and his apology was immediate "I'm sorry Liv…" But the apology died on his lips as he realised that his outburst whilst inadvertent had also been effective and now having his step daughter's undivided attention, took a deep breath and began to speak the only way he knew how, from the heart. "I'm not angry or upset Liv. I understand you wanting to go back to England. But I can't let you leave like this. You're my daughter and always will be. I suppose I just needed you to know that I love you and for as long as I can provide it you'll have a home here if you ever need it. You can tell Evan the same goes for him as well…"

"You want me to tell Evan he's your daughter? I'm sure he'll be thrilled." A smile played on her lips and Danny knew they were ok.

"Very Funny!" He spoke with mock annoyance but smiled too and held her tight. They had made their peace and both felt immeasurably lighter for it. "We'll sort your flight out in the morning ok? I might still be in hospital when you leave, I'll ask Dup to run you to the airport. Do you want me to ask Nonsa to help you pack?" Catching the standard 'Daaaannnnyy' look on her face accompanied with rolling eyes he quickly continued "No, no of course you don't! Ok I'll be leaving you to it now." Watching him walk away a million thoughts tumbled round her mind. She had been so sure leaving was the right thing to do, so sure she couldn't cope. Now doubt had crept in and left her questioning everything she thought she knew.


	8. Chapter 8 - Life and Death

Just a very quick note to apologise for the length of time it has taken me to update and to say a very big thank you to those of you who have stuck with me and my story and continue to read and review. It means a lot to me and is very much appreciated.

Chapter 8 – Life and Death

The hospital room was empty but for the couple sat with arms entwined and matching faraway eyes, travelling roads in separate worlds, their thoughts echoing each other, unable to find the words to come together in this world and find comfort in each other.

That smell, he'd always hated that smell; the one that seemed to mix disinfectant with a vague aroma of bad cooking and that indescribable something. It's impossible to put into words but it lurked in every hospital he had been unfortunate enough to find himself in and this one was no exception; that smell that only appears around a person nearing the end of their journey, someone experiencing the last moments of this life and taking their first steps into the next. It was with some bemusement Danny realised it had accompanied some of the most defining moments of his life, his father being a doctor he could remember as a child many an hour sat in his office waiting for him to finally finish work; as a teenager he remembered hanging round on the pretence of meeting his father when in reality he was making his first few clumsy attempts at chatting up a couple of very pretty nurses; he remembered the entrance into this world of his first born child and the rapture he'd felt holding his daughter for the very first time; but most vividly he remembered cradling his wife in his arms as she breathed her last, her fragile body, ravaged by a cruel and insidious disease, unable to withstand the pain any longer. He was surprised to find tears pricking the corners of his eyes. He had lived with that memory for many years and over the course of time its weight had become easier to bear. But it hurt still and he knew deep down it always would. He knew what it was to live with the agony of losing the person he had vowed to share his life with in the most heart-breaking of circumstances, had suffered this blow not once but twice. He made a silent vow to fight with every ounce of strength his weakened body would allow to prevent Alice from ever having to experience that anguish.

She desperately wanted to reach out to him, tell him everything was going to be ok. But she knew she couldn't promise him that, couldn't know for sure that the man she loved would still be with her this time tomorrow. So instead she said nothing, snaking her fingers through his, transmitting all the love and strength she could through that one single touch.

Danny had been admitted to hospital the day before, had spent yesterday being poked, prodded and scanned. They had been visited by both the Surgeon and Anaesthetist that today would hold his life in their hands. Together they had explained exactly what would happen to the young vet. For about half an hour afterwards he'd been able to describe in quite amazing detail each stage of the surgery, now he struggled to remember even the simplest of things. He wanted so badly to tell Alice all the things his heart needed to say. But so desperate was he to find the perfect words, he couldn't find any words at all. So in the end defeated and exhausted he surrendered himself to the inevitable. His eyes slowly closed and he drifted into a peaceful sleep.

She felt his hand lose its grip on hers and begin to slip away. Almost instinctively her response was to strengthen her grasp, to keep his hand in hers for as long as she had him beside her. She grazed his cheek with her fingers, the slightest of touches, but the electricity that ran through her as strong as it had ever been. She remembered the first time she had felt it, the first time his lips had met hers. She had known deep down for a while that she loved him and it was slowly killing her knowing he didn't feel it too. Then that kiss, that wonderful, incredible electricity and her life started. Now she watched it slipping away from her powerless to stop it and it scared her.

Ever since he had told her of the Cancer she had been determined that she would be his strength, his rock. She had listened just once to his funeral arrangements and final wishes knowing it was important to him that she know, after that when his mood had darkened and his spirit fallen she had picked him up and dusted him down. Told him of her certainty that he would win this fight, spoke of the future they would have together as a couple, as a family, made him laugh with terrible jokes and stories of Dup's latest exploits. Time and again she had made him believe, given him back the determination to carry on and when she had needed to let the tears fall, needed to voice her fears, Dup and Caroline had been there for her with words of comfort and broad shoulders to cry on. Now as she watched her sleeping fiancé knowing it could be for the last time she kissed him once on the lips and whispered her final message to him "I love you Danny Trevanion." As the door opened and the porters came to take him away she felt her heart break, a lone tear the only outward sign of her overwhelming pain.

In the theatre the machines beeped, the tension was strained and beads of sweat clung to the surgeons brow. He worked for hours, his team beside him, giving everything he had to save the life of his patient. Piece by agonising piece he gradually removed the tumour, delicately meandering his instruments, desperately trying to avoid any lasting damage, knowing even the slightest slip could change this man forever.

Unable to convince Alice to leave the hospital Dup and Caroline had conceded and settled down to wait with her both determined she would not be alone. Every second felt indeterminably long. Transfixed Alice watched the hands of the clock tick the seconds by. She knew she should try to find something to distract herself. But it was almost supernatural, the harder she fought against it, the more it drew her gaze. Dup paced up and down restlessly, his mind a million miles away. Every now and then Caroline would say a few words to bring him back to reality and he would sit down quietly beside her. But within a few moments his mind would once again float away and his body almost unbidden would continue to pace, the rhythm and the feeling of actually doing something soothing his fear a little. Caroline sat silently worrying, worrying about Alice and trying to offer her words of comfort here and there, worrying about Dup and trying to stop him wearing a hole in the hospital carpet, worrying about Danny and frantically hoping for good news, worrying for her family and what would become of it should the worst happen and Danny didn't pull through. The click of the door softly opening broke the silence and simultaneously all three jumped up, expectant faces greeted the visitor, news was here at last…..

Minutes turned into hours and finally the surgery was complete; the offending body taken away for more tests to determine the next step, Danny taken to the High Dependency unit to begin the journey back to health. Pleased with the outcome the surgeon went to speak to the family members who had waited so unwearyingly for so long. He explained they would have to wait for another CT scan to know for sure if the operation had been a success but the early indications were good, they had removed all visible signs of the tumour. He explained that Danny had been taken to the high dependency unit and would be closely monitored for a while, particularly as he had yet to come round from the anaesthetic. He could feel the urgency radiating from the young woman so desperate was she to see her fiancé, touch him, hold him; and as much as he wanted that for her he knew it would be cruel to let her walk into that room unprepared. So with tact and patience borne of many years' experience he explained about the machines and tubes that would surround the man she loved, explained their function and the consequences if they were taken away. He explained about the sounds she'd hear and the checks the nurses would do every 15 minutes. She tried hard to listen, knew it was important and it was for her benefit. But all she could think about, all she cared about was finally seeing Danny…

She pushed opened the door and tentatively stepped inside unable at first to open her eyes; torn between wanting so badly to see him and fear at what may lie in front of her. Would he still be the man she remembered or a pale, frail shadow of the person she knew? "Alice Collins get a grip of yourself." She chastised herself, the harsh words enough to check her growing anxiety. When she finally gathered the strength to see him she wasn't disappointed. He was weak, vulnerable and supported heavily by various pieces of equipment as the surgeon had warned he would be. But he was alive and for that she was forever grateful. Pulling a chair up beside his bed, she slipped her hand into his, fingers entwined, she promised herself she'd never let go again. She whispered in his ear; telling him how much she loved him, about all the comings, goings and gossip from Leopard's Den, about anything she could think of. The rhythmic beep...beep...beep of the heart monitor and the banal talk of everyday things calmed her and she started to settle a little. Her shoulders gradually sank and the strain of the last two days slowly started to ebb away.

Then without warning her world shattered. The heart monitor picked up pace emitting an almost inhuman high pitched noise, a whirl of nurses uniform and doctor's coats breezed into the room and immediately started snapping out instructions in a language she didn't understand. She screamed for someone to tell her what was happening to him, tears falling thick and fast. But so intent were they on the patient her frantic pleas went unheard. Consequently alone she stood, helpless and lost, watching the love of her life slip away powerless to prevent it.

Frozen with shock and fear, unable to move, a nurse had to guide Alice outside and a doctor joined them just seconds later. "Miss Collins, we believe your fiancé has suffered a rare complication. His symptoms suggest he has some bleeding on the brain and we must perform emergency surgery urgently to stop it. As his elective next of kin we need your permission to go ahead. Miss Collins do we have your consent? "

The Door close to her creaked into life and a flurry of hospital staff burst through, the bed carrying the stricken vet hurried away before Alice even had chance to breath. "Daaanny" An almost primal scream, all the pain, fear and frustration of the last few weeks erupted and Alice crumbled to her knees; huge sobs wracking her body. The young doctor knelt beside her and took her in his arms. More than anything he wanted to hold her for a while, to provide just a small measure of comfort. But the situation demanded immediate action so once again he tried to do his job.

"Miss Collins, we must operate now to save him. Do we have your consent?"

"Y…Yes, s…save him. Please."


	9. Chapter 9 - Under African Skies

Chapter 9 – Under African Skies

Liv had never felt so confused. Her flight was due to leave in a few short hours yet still she felt torn in two. Part of her pictured Danny getting weaker day by day and yearned to be back in England with her father. But part of her, the part that would forever be ingrained in Leopards Den, so badly wanted to stay. Idly she took another top from her wardrobe and without thinking started to fold it. Her thoughts lost in the ether somewhere she moved on autopilot going through the motions. Only when she felt her arm brush up against her case as she lent over to pack her latest item of clothing did she actually realise what she was doing. She saw for the first time the garment she held and was immediately transported back to the night she had worn it last.

_She floated through the crowds noting the smiles on each face as she went. She only had one destination in mind but couldn't help drinking in the atmosphere. The air was filled with the hum of excited chatter and the clinking of glasses, the soft caress of music and the sway of dancing couples, every neighbour and friend dressed in their finery here to help celebrate the engagement of Danny and Alice. She gently meandered her way through the maze of people, the two drinks she carried carefully aimed. Finally she reached her intended target, the gorgeous twenty-something with the chocolate brown eyes. _

_Thabo drank in the wondrous sight. The Jade Green halter neck top seemed to bring out the colour of her eyes and the tone of her skin at exactly the same time, teamed with a pair of cream hot pants that accentuated her shapely legs, showing off what he had always believed to be her best feature and her beautiful blonde hair carefully pinned up to look sophisticated and yet a single strand allowed to fall away, framing her face, softening it somehow. To his eyes she had never looked so enchanting. _

_Seeing the love and lust he felt for her reflected in his face she felt those same feelings rising in her. Taking the drinks from her hand and placing them on a table, he gently took her hand and led her on to the dance floor; sliding his hands around her waist he pulled her close. Closing her arms around his neck, she took a moment to glance around her, seeing their actions repeated by Gran and Dup and of course Danny and Alice she knew without doubt she had never felt so happy. _

Grasping the top close to her she fought to keep the memory alive, not wanting to lose the feelings it had provoked. But gradually the images faded and her bedroom came back into sight. Tears began to fall as she realised exactly what she'd be giving up if she left. But still the thought of Danny weak, frightened and in pain haunted her. Then she knew. Finally, finally she was ready to talk. So leaving the packing behind she wandered around the house looking for Caroline, instead bumping into Dup as he arrived back from a game drive.

"Liv are you alright?"

"I…I was looking for Gran and I..."

For once the gruff, Afrikaner interpreted the situation correctly, sensing her need to talk.

"Come with me."

They walked in silence to the animal pens, Olivia not knowing how to start and Dup somehow knowing he must wait until she was ready. They reached the baby elephant Dup had found abandoned in the bush and brought back to Leopards Den to care for. He knew Liv had taken a shine to her and he hoped being near the young calf might relax her a little bit and if he was honest him too.

"How is she?" After a long silence Liv finally broke the ice.

"Ahh she's doing alright. As long as we keep up the regular feeds and show her a bit of TLC she'll be fine." He stayed on safe territory. He knew if he got too heavy too soon he'd scare her away and she needed to talk, maybe more than the rest of them. He'd cried his tears in private, known only to Caroline; but Liv, well she was still looking for a release and his shoulders were broad.

Anger surged through Olivia that hadn't been there before, when she eventually found herself able to respond the bitterness and fury behind the words was evident "But that's her mother's job. Why isn't she here feeding her, washing her, loving her?"

This was the moment and he seized it for all he was worth. "Sometimes Liv, well sometimes it just isn't possible, doesn't matter how much they want to be..."

But now the dam had opened she found she couldn't keep quiet and as her anger dissipated her pain finally began to show. "I miss her Dup, I miss her so much. Now Danny, I just don't know what to do. I love him but I couldn't bear seeing him like that… and… and … she'd know what to do… but she isn't here… "

Grasping her by the shoulders he tried to draw her attention back to him "Liv… Olivia…" finally she looked up at him, recognition sparking in her eyes. " Liv I'm not gonna lie to you and say everything's alright and the future, well it…it won't be easy. But Danny has always believed that we can overcome anything as long as we're a family and after everything we've been through this last five years, well I'm starting to think Trevanion might be right." He was trying so hard but he didn't have the fancy words and the soothing tone he watched Caroline use so often. Desperately he tried to think what she would do. Taking his dusty, tatty hat from his head he looked to the beautiful, blue, endless African sky for inspiration, running his hand through his greasy, tangled hair in frustration. He closed his eyes feeling the warmth of the sun on his face, thinking out loud as he mumbled "Ach man Caroline's so much better at this". He looked back down at the young lady in front of him and couldn't help but see the inquisitive little girl she had been all those years ago. He mourned for the heartbreak she'd had to go through and the difficult times they'd all yet to face. Jamming his hat back on his head he tried to finish the speech he'd started. "Look Olivia what I'm trying to say is if you stay… well… we'll get through it together...as a family…because that's what we are… a family. "

Olivia's attention turned back to the baby elephant. "I guess me and Annie here have a lot in common don't we?"

"Annie?"

"You know little orphan Annie, the sun'll come out tomorrow…?

"You're not an orphan Olivia. But yeah you do have a lot in common. She may have lost her mother but she isn't alone and neither are you. There's another female elephant out in the bush nursing a calf. With a little encouragement by next week I reckon she could be a mother of two. "

"You think she'll take on another baby? Bring her up as her own. Do elephants do that?"

"Yeah. I've seen it before. It was pretty special too. Not unlike Danny taking on you and Evan after, well… after Sarah. Maybe now is your chance to do something special for Danny. If you don't you'll regret it Olivia for the rest of your days and take it from on old man, life's too short for regrets. "

"You know you're not half bad at this?"

"At what?"

"You know the touchy feely stuff. Talking about feelings and …"

"Ssh keep your voice down. I have a reputation as a grumpy old codger to keep up don't you know."

"What do you think of Caimile?"

"What?"

"Let's call her Caimile. It means a family is born."

"I think it's perfect."

Both stood in a companionable silence, enjoying the moment, if only for a brief time feeling a sense of peace; Dup because he'd finally done something useful and Olivia because the weight that had settled on her shoulders had finally been lifted. She had made her decision. Leopard's Den was her home and her place was with Danny. A voice from behind them cut short the reverie "Anders…

"Bloody hell woman, it's enough to give a man a heart attack creeping up on him like that…"

Not having the time to try and decipher her husband's idea of humour Caroline cut him off "Anders, Alice has just called, we must go back to the hospital now ..." Glancing at Olivia and trying to be as tactful as possible whilst still trying to get her point across quickly she added:

"It's Danny … he's taken a turn for the worse…"


End file.
